God's Presence

I have a confession to make. I am the greatest sinner alive. Every action I do is selfish, every thought that saturates my brain is evil, and every ploy I create is for the benefit of myself and the debacle of others. I am always jealous, always plotting, always lustful, always worldful, always selfish, always lying, always cheating, always hating, always bitter, always distrusting.

God had blessed me with a taste of His Holy Presence at the past Pneuma retreat. It was better than anything ever imaginable. It truly satisfied every crevice of my broken and needy life.

But because of my sins I feel God has taken away His awesome presence from me. And it's completely different.. now that I've had a taste of a small portion of God's presence, without it life is not the same.

It is only by God's grace that we are saved, it is only by His mercy that we know Him, it is by HIS will that we are covered by His blood. There is absolutely nothing I can do to credit myself in His salvation, there is nothing I could possibly offer to receive anything from the one and only God. I acknowledge this. But something isn't right.

Whatever it is, there's one thing I know for sure. I am not where I want to be. I want to be with Him. I want to be encompassed by His presence, I want His presence to be overflowing. WHERE ARE YOU GOD???

My Life

Is so busy. Especially the past couple of weeks. I go to work, then I go to church, and then I come home around 10-11pm. I haven't had time to work out, pay my bills, let alone rest.

I just want one day I can sit at home, clean my room, pay my bills, work out, and chill out.

I am getting too fat.

I am too undisciplined.

I fail.

My life.

TMD: Entaro Tassadar

God has been so good to me. He's been changing me slowly but surely. But there is one thing that I still struggle with, which would be my obsession to Starcraft 2. Starcraft 2 is the best. Adding blink makes the game so much more fun. Stargates are actually cool to look at. Zealots are now 100 times cooler. Their rush ability makes them look like little ninjas! Colossus and Immortals? Ownage. Warp Gates? Transporters that turn into pylons? That's got to be the best combination ever.

But there's a problem with this. I don't play enough. I have no time. And to make things worse, every one of my friends play at least 3 times more than I do. Which makes me the crappiest Starcraft 2 player alive. I hate being bad at something. It's the worst feeling in the world when you see your base being completely obliterated and there's absolutely nothing you can do about it because 1. you expanded too late, 2. you have hella monies but not enough vespene gas and zealots are the only thing you can make except they have mutas and so you're pretty gg, 3. your entire defensive system is away from your mining area, and so the enemy was able to fly through the backdoor and own you like pudding in a cup.

So sometimes I tell myself that I need to devote myself to Starcraft for a week and raise my level up. But then this thought dawned on me: maybe God made me suck at this game so that I won't get too obsessed with it, letting it take over my life. If I was really good at Starcraft, I would probably stay up till 5 owning the pants off people. But I suck, so I lose 2 games and then I quit. God is good.

So here's my little lesson for those Christians that are reading this: stop playing so much. Read the Bible more. Pray more. Actually, just stop playing. That way I can keep practicing and when we do pray, I'll be able to own you. :)

TMD: With You

God is good. He knew it wasn't good for man to be alone. He knew man needed something... someone to be together with.

He knows t isn't good for me to be alone. He knows I need someone...

Where the ddong are you????

TMD: The White Crane

The majestic white crane only flies on rare occasions. Researching and attempting to capture this wonderful bird was inevitably an arduous and nearly impossible task. Here's how the journey unfolded.

It was in a deep forest setting that I first set my eyes upon this magnificent creature. She had come out of nowhere, having been hidden by the large towering trees. It was a beautiful sight. This particular forest housed a specific group of trees that attracted a large group of fireflies. Millions of them. They were nesting in the trees, glowing and lighting the night. It was a breathtaking sight. And as I was admiring this natural phenomenon, I noticed her. The crane. She stood there, amongst the thickets, stretching her glorious wings. I crept closer and closer. Then an amazing thing happened. Known for avoiding human contact, I was expecting the crane to take off. But when it noticed me, it allowed me to join it in its strange nocturnal ritual. So I was able to share a very intimate time with the crane.

Having thought that I had established myself into the bird's trust, I came back the next few days in order to capture it to tag it. Tagging is very important, it allows us researchers to track the migratory patterns of the bird, as well as its daily territorial movements such as hunting tactics and nesting strategies. Unfortunately for me, I had forgotten how difficult it is to gain the trust of a white crane. I miscalculated its space of comfort and when I got to close, it flew away. I tried several times, but in all occasions I inevitably failed. So I had to go with a different strategy. I call it the method of easeness. The idea is to ease my way into the trust of the crane. To sit within sight of the crane, but never appear to be a threat, allowing the crane to get used to my presence until I become a part of it's habitat. This took a great deal of patience and effort. And it was also a risky decision because of the upcoming winter. That was also something I had miscalculated. But through this strategy, I was able to study the white crane in depth. And it's undoubtedly a magnificent creation.

The white crane is an interesting creature. It's a very free spirit, flying around its huge territory, ruling over all of its domain. It has no real predator and sits on the top of the food chain. It feeds on fish and occasionally wheat, as well as frogs, mice, and smaller creatures. Being the top of the food chain, it maintains the balance of the ecosystem within its territory. The crane also has a unique personality. It's very wise in what it does. I can only assume that it is a very experienced and tested crane. And don't let its appearance fool you, even though it appears very calm and friendly, it is a very powerful and territorial bird. When it feels threatened, it will show its authority.

And thus, my research was going well. I was easing my way into the birds trust slowly but surely. Then my miscalculation ruined everything. Winter hit like sudden earthquake. I wouldn't have noticed, but the crane and it's natural ability to hint the change in weather alerted it. And one day, the crane took off into the sky in a different fashion. It took off more powerfully than before, with the determination not to fly back again, until the next spring.

And so I must put my journey on hold, the journey to capture the white crane.

TMD: Bicycling

I looooove bicycling. I used to own this silver Diamondback bike and I named her Silver Bullet. I used to ride her everywhere throughout Cupertino. She was my ticket to freedom. I would explore down McClellan Rd. into the thickets of Blackberry Farm. I would go down Hollenback into the Beauchamps neighborhoods then ride into Seven Springs and down Bubb, past Kennedy, between Monta Vista and Lincoln and back home. I would ride down Stevens Creek all the way to Cupertino High School just for fun.

Sometimes, I would pretend that I was a Jedi and Silver Bullet was my X-Wing, or A-Wing. I've always had the A-Wing in a special place in my heart because it looked the coolest, it had the most maneuverability out of all the starships, and no one else cared about it. There were two bolts between the handle bars and I would pretend they were buttons that would engage the proton torpedoes from my A-Wing named Silver Bullet. I thank my imagination due to my childhood without any siblings, forcing me to be creative to keep myself from being bored.

But there was one benefiting byproduct from bicycling that I hadn't realize until now. Biking really enabled me to be quick on my feet. It worked out my quads like no other exercise. I was able to run faster and jump higher than the average Junior High/High School person. That's why I was so excited to have borrowed my friend's bike recently that I took it out at 10:30 at night to ride around. And by doing so, it brought back all the joys of childhood. But there several key differences that changed the way I rode.

First, I was really rusty. I still could ride the bike, but not like before. Before, I was a pro-biker. I could do jumps, I could drift, I could ride with no hands, I could ride with one hand, I could weave in and out of places, I could ride and squeeze through the tightest spots with ease. The bike was essentially a part of me. Now, I cant. I'm afraid of losing my balance, falling, and hurting myself. I tried to ride with only one hand and it scared the crap out of me. I could easily blame low visibility due to the time of day, but I wont. I'll admit I was super rusty.

Second, the bike wasn't in ideal conditions. The brakes needed adjusting. I was going full speed and I was about to make a sharp turn. As I hit the brakes, it bike didn't respond. So I almost crashed into a bush/tree. But that's okay.

Third, I felt like Carl Johnson from GTA San Andreas. Instead of my sexy A-Wing and photon cannons, it was a black man running from the cops. Oh dear...

Nonetheless, the joy of riding hasn't disappeared. I absolutely cannot wait to ride again today. Woohoo!

G.o.G.

Having a chance to serve at three ministries.
Having amazingly supportive parents.
Having wonderfully supportive mentors.
Having the freedom to adjust my schedule.
Having good health.
Having talents to use.
Having been forgiven.
Being loved.
Being able to love.
Being able to live, breathe, feel, enjoy.
Being able to cherish moments.
Being able to appreciate the things that are good and bad.
Being given direction even when unaware of it.
Getting away with a moving violation once in a while.

Grace of God.

Sorry for being a disobedient and sinful man. You know me better than anyone else and You know that I love You with all I am able to, and that I am absolutely nothing without you. Thank You for Your undeserved favor and grace that covers me every moment of my life that you have deemed worthy through the ultimate display of love that this universe can possibly fathom. As I strive to be a son that pleases You, please be my eyes that I may solely focus on You , be my strength that propels me towards You.

Late Night Meh-ness

I'm so blessed by God. He has given me so much. Loving parents, awesome friends, undeserved love, comforts, safety, and the list goes on and on. So I should be happy and satisfied. Which I am. I know that there are so many people out there who don't have as much as I do. There are so many people out there with hurts and pains that are far bigger than my comprehension.

And as selfish as I might sound, there's one thing that I want so bad that God has been keeping from me. And that's my desire to have the girl. The one. I know with all my heart that she's out there. I know with all my heart that I am meant to be with the one. Yet He keeps her away from me. Possibly to teach me patience. Possibly to mature me to be a better partner. But my patience is limited. My heart longs for that.

I feel like I've given a lot to God, probably not enough in the standard of Him, but in my standards, I have given up a lot. I've been serving youth ministry ever since 7th grade. I've done my fair share of praise leading, bible teaching, missions, revival nights, etc. I've served college ministry at SJSU. I've sacrificed a lot of my time/energy/money/grades to get KCCC running at SJSU. I've faithfully gone to as much meetings as possible. I've driven to LA countless times battling sleepiness and fatigue. I've dealt with uncooperative youth kids and college kids. I've forced myself to talk to strangers and love those who are difficult to love. And now I'm serving two churches and as satisfying as it is knowing that I am doing what He wants me to do, it's also incredibly physically draining.

And in all of this work that I feel is a lot (as unjustified as it may be coming from my perspective and not God's), all I desire is to meet her. To be my support, to be a pillar in my life. Someone who I can share my life with at a different level than my friends or my parents.

It comes off selfish but that's what I really want. Father, please be my provider! I am ready to share my heart.

TMD: The Small Things Pt. 1

I don't know if you've noticed... but it's interesting how similar we are.

TMD: What is Love?

Let's define "love." No, not the warm fuzzy feeling you get inside when you hold hands with a significant other.

During Bible study, something really bothered me about the response I got from the group about "love." When people have personalities that clash, or when people hurt you, should you keep your distance? Also, can you love someone but not like them?

Let's look at Jesus. After all, he is the ultimate example of love. And he showed that by dying on the cross. Not just for his disciples, not just for his followers, not just for Israel, but the entire population of the world, past present and future. And he did it willingly. He wanted to do his Father's will, which was to make a path towards salvation. It's not like he died unwillingly. He also died with compassion, for he prays that those who do not know what they're doing will be forgiven. He was very committed to this event. He had to be, since it required his life.

From that example alone, you can tell that love is not just a feeling. It's a commitment to someone with compassion and forgiveness. And I doubt that defines the entirety of love. I bet that sentences encompasses about 20% of the full extent of love. Now, when people say that they should distance themselves from people because they were hurt or their personalities clashed, isn't that already negating the commitment and compassion part? Even the forgiveness part of that aspect. I'm sure Jesus, being God, knew that millions of people would reject his sacrifice, not even acknowledge his existence. Nonetheless, he still died for them with love. He could have easily excluded them from the gift of grace, but he didn't.

And here's the thing about love. If you love something even if you don't like it now, you are bound to. When you're committed to something with compassion and forgiveness, you are absolutely bound to like it. How can you hate something you are so committed to?

TMD: Parental Love

I woke up at 10:30 today. I was 3 hours late for work. I had forgotten to set my alarm clock.

Here's what happened. I was sleeping soundly, and then I woke up naturally. It felt good because I hadn't done that in a very long time. I laid in bed, half asleep, waiting for the alarm to go off. It never did. But the light shining from out my window was illuminating the blinds very brightly, and I decided to open my eyes just to check the clock on my wall. It was 10:30. Crap! I quickly grabbed my phone to recheck and surely enough, it was 10:30. I jumped out of bed, quickly washed my face and brushed my teeth, threw on my clothes, packed the things I needed for work and rushed out into my kitchen towards my garage. On the way, I spotted my mom in the family room, reading the newspaper. I glanced at her, and then turned away quickly in shame, know that any second she would start yelling at me for being late/lazy/irresponsible. She didn't. I opened the garage door and rushed out to my car. As I entered my car, I noticed that my mom was standing by the doorway, waving goodbye. I studied her facial expression for any hints of anger or disappointment, but found none. Rather, it was just a face that acknowledged my tardiness but was okay with it. Almost like she understood that I had felt bad, that I had been tired, and excused me from my mistake.

As I was 2Fast2Furiously driving to work, I thought about that. And all I could do was thank God for letting me have such awesome parents. And then it lead me to think about my heavenly Father. How much more loving, how much more understanding He is. I wrong Him possibly one thousand times more frequently than I wrong my earthly parents, but He is infinitely more loving than my earthly parents. So it doesn't only even out, His love completely blows over every thing I do, good and bad. It's pretty fricken awesome being a part of His family, and being His son.

"The reason I praise You is simple. I just can't help myself but to do so."

Monday Morning Cuteness

What is "cute"? When I look at a baby, or a puppy, my immediate reaction is "awwww." Why? Cuteness is defined as a type of attraction. So that makes me attracted to kittens, puppies, and babies? I suppose that's how God intended us to be. He gave us that attraction to these "helpless" things to motivate us to take care of them. Or else we'd get tired of their pooping and crying and uselessness... I guess?

Let's look at this photo:
It's so ridiculously cute! There are several aspects in this photo which I concluded make this interaction (닭살) goosebumpishly cute.
1. The size difference between the dog and the kitten. The dog is so much bigger than the tiny little kitten. That automatically boosts the kitten's cuteness level.
2. The kitten's pose in the first picture. It looks frightened or surprised. It's cute because of the sequence of the kitten's and the dog's reaction as the "story" unfolds. The kitten was initially frightened by the approach of the giant dog, but the dog licks the kitten with friendliness. Which leads to...
3. The kitten's face in the second picture. Its left eye being smaller than the right. The o__- face of the kitten, not knowing how to react.
4. The dog's gentle lick. It's not a huge sloppy lick. The dog knows that the kitten is fragile, and out of compassion it is licking it very gently.

Then I began to wonder if God saw us as cute? As helpless little babies? I wonder if He looks down upon us as we live our lives helplessly and sometimes goes "awww." I wonder if He sees our compassion towards each other and forgiveness towards each other and goes "awww." I wonder if He watches us have fellowship with each other and feels that tingle in His heart. Just like how we would watch a couple of kittens jostle with each other and go "awww," I wonder if He has that same kind of reaction. I guess it'd be pretty cool if He does. It gives me joy to know that I'm still cute to SOMEONE, even when I thought I had lost my cuteness about 24 years ago.

TMD: The View From The Top

There's something breathtaking about a view from the top of a mountain.
It's so interesting how something so large like a building or a freeway could look so tiny from afar. And to be able to shrink a city that stretches for miles and miles into one large populated blob in your peripheral vision is a bit strange. To live in a world so large and yet so small at the same time.

Perception changes the concept of reality. When reality can be altered so easily, truth becomes an opinion. The only truths that hold are the foundational truths. The basics of which God had created. Blue is blue. Sea is sea. Human is human. That truth cannot be changed. Or can it? Blue is blue until it's mixed with red, then it becomes purple. Sea is sea until it meets the boundaries of an ocean. So then, does the truth change, or does the object in which holds the value of that truth change? Or would that even be a valid argument, considering that when the object holding that value of truth changes, then the truth itself was not true to begin with. Then we'd have to assume that the concept of truth is not permanent. And if truth were to change, then "truth" would not be truth.

Knowing that the world is ever changing, that truth is fragile due to the inevitability of change, I rejoice. I rejoice knowing that the the only truth that truly matters is an unchanging deity that loves me and has given me eternal hope in His unchanging character.

TMD: Vengeance

Sometimes I wish I had a rocket launcher attached to the hood of my car. Or perhaps a couple 44mm assault rifles sticking out of the sides of my car. Or even an EMP projector of some sort. Why would I wish for such things? Because there are way too many under-qualified "drivers" out on the road. People that suck at driving. People that cause traffic. People that cause accidents. People that cause dangerous situations on the road.

Is it safer to go 20 miles over the speed limit or 20 miles under the speed limit? Let's weigh the situation. You're going 20 miles over the speed limit. If you are on a freeway and you crash, you are essentially dead. Now, if you are going under 20 miles the speed limit on the freeway, your chances of death are much lower. With that being said, imagine the traffic you are causing by going under 20! Cars will be tailing you, people will be getting angry, people will be changing lanes to pass you, you will cause road rage, you will be affecting people merging onto and off the freeway. I have bolded the things that cause traffic accidents above.

In essence, the only way you can crash by going 85 mph on the freeway is if YOU are an idiot and you misjudge the distance from your car to the car in front of you and you break too late and rear end someone. By going 85 mph, you are doing a couple of good things. 1. You are passing people. This lets people know where you are so even if they were about to change lanes, you will only be in their blind spots for the duration of the time you are passing them, which is roughly 3 seconds. If you were pacing someone at speed limit and you were stuck at their blind spot, then that increases the chances of you getting into an accident. 2. You are passing everyone. You leave behind the groups of cars. Less cars = less chance of an accident. You don't get into an accident with another car when there's no cars around you.

But if you're going 45 mph on the freeway, you are putting others in danger. You will cause traffic which will make it more difficult for cars to merge onto the freeway behind you, or merge out of the freeway. Lane changes will be more dangerous because one lane is going significantly faster than the other while both lanes are congested. People will be getting angry at your slow driving, and their judgment and behavior will negatively affect their driving.

With that being said, I would like to have those weapons on my car so that I could destroy the bad drivers. Not kill them. But damage their cars enough so that they don't drive. You think that's unfair. You think that I'm being selfish. You think that I'm too violent. Those people need to work, they need to get to places as much as we all do, you say.

Well I have news flash for you.

Public transportation. Helps the economy. Less pollution. More exercise.

America should thank me.

GTM

Great Teacher Mike

Could be possibly be the direction I want to take for my career choice.

Or perhaps Great Tully's Mike, as I am pondering on tackling the Tully's Coffee Shop inside UC Berkeley.

Oh the headache.

TMD: Racism

I'm not a racist. Or so I'd like to believe. But there are situations that would prove otherwise.

My good friend had noticed that when I talk to my employees who are of Mexican descend, I have a tendency of over-simplifying my language. I "baby talk." Goo-goo ga-ga. For example, when I'm saying "it's okay," it comes out to sound like "ich okey." Or when I'm trying to say "and you need to cut the tomatoes and place then in a neat, linear pattern in the container," I say something along the lines of "and yoo cut tomayto and poot nice straigh' insigh', oki?"

Now my question is: is that being racist? I mean, clearly it's a given that their English isn't as developed as mine. In essence, simplifying my English to a standard where they could understand is just an act of thoughtfulness no? Don't get me wrong, I love the Mexicans. They brought their concepts burritos and tacos, and I love burritos and tacos. What more could I ask for?

But the amusing thing is, I noticed myself acting the same way towards a customer. A Kenyan to be exact. Actually, I'm not sure if he was a Kenyan, but he was pretty dang dark. And only Kenyans and South Africans are that dark, but South Africans have an exclamation mark in their names so he had to be Kenyan by the process of elimination. His name was Masuli, not !Dobile.

Anyways, he had a very heavy Kenyan accent, and as he gave me his cash he asked me if he could get the bottle drink instead of a 21 ounce cup with the combo. It sounded like this: (in a heavy, deep, Kenyan-like voice) "Can I bottle no cup?" A normal white man would not be able to understand this. But since I've been around fobs of all countries: Koreans, Mexicans, Japanese, Kenyans, Hillbillies, I understood immediately. And so I responded like this: "No, esstra char' feety sen mo" (No, extra charge fifty cents more). He nodded and said, "ok."

At this point, I couldn't help but crack a smile. I had just realized how utterly stupid I must have sounded. I wonder if he would have understood had I used proper English? It's definitely something worth observation. A great hypothesis to experiment upon.

So in conclusion, I am not a racist. I just care too much about proper communication.

TMD: Two-Faced Customers

Woohoo! TMD! But wait... it's a Friday? Shouldn't it be FMD? Nay. FMD doesn't sound cool.

Here's an interesting observation: There are customers who while ordering their sandwiches look like this <- They are cheerful and friendly. They smile at every extra olive that is perfectly placed on the sandwich. They wink and nod ferociously when my employees ask them if they want more vegetables on their sandwich. They speak so loquaciously to my employees about the strangest, most random things, even when all my employees do is nod their heads. You think my employees are listening to them? They don't even understand English! But all is well in the worlds of the customers who are getting what they want in their custom built sandwiches. Or at least, until they get to the cash register.


As sudden as lightning, their faces immediately change once I (the cashier) engage eye contact. The become sullen, downcast. Their once loquaciousness disappears into thin air and they become mutes. I ask if they want anything else besides their sandwich and they respond with a silence as they stare down onto the counter. Why? Is it that horrible to pay? Wasn't the "buying" part of "buying a sandwich" included in their plan to come to Subway? Do they think they will receive a free sandwich if they act disappointed? I don't understand.
Same situation with taxes. Why are people surprised that sandwiches are taxed? EVERYthing is taxed in California. You live here, you should know this by now! And why do customers blame US for charging tax? A little heads up: WE DO NOT CHARGE TAX. THE GOVERNMENT DOES. WE DO NOT KEEP YOUR TAX MONEY, THE GOVERNMENT DOES. So don't complain to us, complain to the government. Oh but who voted in the government officials that mandated the tax laws? YOU. So slap yourself across the face and get out of my store! (is what I would love to say to them... unfortunately I cannot). Then there are customers whom I ask if they want their receipts and they say "YES OF COURSE YOU DU******." (That just happened 5 minutes ago). I'm sorry? Forgot to take Psychic 101 in college. Couldn't read your mind, there was nothing in there to read.

On a happier note, I finally get to play basketball today. I finally get to
in my brand new Jordan 2010's. Oh yes. Absolutely cannot wait.

Balls (pronounced: bawls)

Built FORD Tough. I present you the 2010 Hennessey Ford F-150 SVT Raptor VelociRaptor 500. With a 5.4 liter v-8 engine, producing massive quantities of power, 501 horsepower at 5100 rpm, and 520 lbs of torque at 3200 rpm, this monster can go zero to sixty in 5.6 seconds and a quarter mile in 14.1 seconds at 97 miles per hour! Unbelievable. Those speeds rival mid-level sports coupes. That is exactly why I propose that Ford changes its logo from Built FORD Tough to Built FORD Gay. Yeah, you heard me Ford.

My initial reaction to reading these numbers was this.
Yes. I googled the "purpose of trucks" since I knew google has all the answers in the world. Unfortunately google did not supply the "purpose of trucks". Instead, they gave me endless links to truck for sale, truck-king, truck tires, trucker hats, truck drivers wanted, trunks, tree trunks, dual purpose hand trucks, purpose wrecker sales, etc. Therefore, in my infinite wisdom and knowledge, I decided to define the purpose of trucks myself.

The truck is constructed of three parts: the cabin, the flatbed, and the engine/drive-train/wheels/etc. Lets begin with the flatbed. The purpose of the flatbed is to carry loads of whatever material that the truck driver (who will be seated in the cabin) needs. The cabin exists to keep the truck driver safe during collisions and sheltered during stormy weather. It also allows the driver to keep their possessions in a safer, less open place than the bed. The engine/drive-train/wheels/etc. exists so that the truck can be mobile. Because let's be honest, nobody wants a truck that does not move.

The purpose of the a truck is to carry loads. Being able to hit 0-60 in 5.4 seconds is completely useless. My load fly out of my truck with that kind of speed and power. No. Ford, I'll show you a REAL truck.


Now THAT is a truck!

TMD: The Onion Theory

Onions make you cry. Even though they are abundant in nutrients and vitamins that are good for your body, they make you cry. They give off a pungent odor. They irritate your eyes. Their taste is not that pleasing. They look kind of funny.

But in the end, they are good for you. They help lower blood pressure and cholesterol. And other things that I am unaware of.

Today, as I was tearing up in pain caused by my employee chopping onions nearby, I was reminded of Jesus. He makes me cry. He challenges me to change my lifestyle for His kingdom. His guidance is often harsh and unpleasant. But in the end, He is doing these things to benefit me. To give me nutrients. To lower my blood pressure.

Food that is good for you usually tastes bad, and habits that hard good for you are difficult to keep. People that are good for you usually challenge you and push you. The God that is good to me is hard on me and asks for all of me. But in return, He blesses me more than I could ever imagine.

For every hardship endured, there is growth. For every growth, there is maturity earned. And when maturity is completed, then perfection waits with a beautiful prize to bestow upon a life well done. Amen to that.

TMD: Jordan 2010

Who would have thunk that blisters would actually be beneficial to me? Having played over 3 hours of basketball this Tuesday, and having acquired a blister on each foot, each with the diameter of about 1.5 inches, I am now forced to hobble around like a gimp. What's worse is that the pain caused by these blisters are preventing me from doing any kind of physical activity. No running, no basketball, no my Tifa, etc.

But, because they are preventing me from physical activities, they are allowing my knee to heal.

They also gave me an opportunity to buy new basketball shoes. Blisters are caused by an excess of friction between the foot and the sole. The padding of my old basketball shoes were not sufficient enough to handle my jukes, jives, cuts, and sprints. I was simply too fast for those shoes. Even the Flash needs foot support I guess. Therefore, I have my mind set on the Jordan 2010's. They. Are. AWESOME.

Any shoe that is endorsed by BOTH Michael Jordan AND Dywane Wade has to be awesome.

You might scoff. You might think I'm easy swayed by careful marketing schemes. You might think I'm a sucker for Jordan/Wade. You know what I say to that? You're absolutely right.

But look at the shoes! There's a huge VENT on the sides of the shoes for better airflow. My feet will be incredibly ventilated while my opponents feet will be burning up. This gives me an immediate advantage while playing basketball.

It makes my nerves tingle just even imagining wearing these amazing shoes. Perhaps I can even join the great duo who endorses these shoes in terms of basketball-ability thanks to the added advantages of the shoes. Then the the marketing agencies would have to stick me in their add which would look like this:

Yes sir, I will be stylin' and ballin' at the same time. That's how I roll.

Allergies

If there's one thing that's certain, it's this: allergies suck. Talk about the annoyance of allergies! Stuffy/runny nose, sneezing, itchy eyes, decline of concentration, all resulting in the loss of desire to be productive. How inconvenient.

My life has been bombarded by inconveniences recently. An injury to my knee has kept me from running, playing basketball, working out, and moving freely. A rock embedded in my hand has prevent me from enjoying the daily use of my hand (which IMO is pretty crucial). The loss of my band's drummer has left our band in dissonance. My license has been suspended for a very long time because of a miscommunication between the DMV and the Police.

And like most things in life, inconveniences take time to fix. My knee is slowly healing. The rock in my hand feels like its slowly disintegrating into my hand. Our band found a new drummer. My license will soon be un-suspended. But all of these things will heal with patience and time. And so will that.

But not everything. Not allergies.

TMD: Genesis

I've decided to begin a new journaling called Thursday Mornings with Dwayne (TMD) where I will be sharing everything and anything that has been circulating through my mind. I've come to this decision simply because Thursdays are my slowest days at work, and because I know how very interesting I am.

In my 24 year stint to become the awesomest man alive, I've experienced many "WTF" moments. "WTF" moments such as: "WTF? My pythons is huge!" or "WTF? I just juked so hard your socks fell off!" or even the rare "WTF? I just surprised myself with my awesomeness!" But never in my life have I encountered a "WTF" moment so grand, so unfathomably huge, that I almost pee'd myself.

And that was the moment I witnessed my very own brother become a retarded ballerina, slipping and sliding halfway down the bowling lane after releasing the ball, and then face planting ever so ungracefully in front of everyone. It was possibly the most depressing thing I had ever seen.

God is Good

Right when I think the world is difficult and everything has gone haywire...
God smacks me across the face with His holy hands.

Nice.

From The Words Of Russell Peters

"Be a man."

Life is Difficult

Right when you think everything is going well, life smacks you across the face with a fifty pound iron paddle forged from the depths of the grand canyon.

And the only thing that you can trust is once again, Him.

Perseverance.

Pictures

There is a small part of me that regrets being who I was and doing what I did that caused us to be where we are right now. If I could only turn back the hands of time.

Dywane Wade, ASG MVP

I've had my week off.
I've eaten all the pho I wanted.
I've slacked off on P90x and given my body a good rest.
I've grown comfortable wearing baggy shirts to cover up my rolling hills.

But that was last week.

Playing basketball has woken up my thirst for self-improvement once again.
My inability to shoot 100% from the field and to burn high school kids off a cross-over has fueled my fire.
It is time to regain my speed and agility. It is time to get some quality hang time. It's time to increase my endurance. It's time to shape up.

I am re-motivated!

True Love

I found it. My true love.
Pho.
I <3 pho.
There I said it. Proclaimed it.
Feed me pho!!!!!!!!!

Bejeweled

The closer I get to God, the more I understand His holiness and His goodness, the more inadequate I feel about myself. The more I see the extent and depth of His love, the more my love becomes menial.

If holiness is truly this, then I am far from holy.
If love is truly this, then I am far from love.
If goodness is truly this, then I am far from goodness.
If grace is truly this, then I am far from gracious.

All I can do is stand in amazement at who You are. I can feel self pity for not being able to achieve the stature that is You, but then I remember that You paid the price so that You could allow me to be that stature through You even though every cell in my body is not.

Thank You.

Mmm.

Sigh... sometimes this seems unbearably difficult.

Why do I always strive for the unachievable? Already knowing that the fall will be even harder and more painful.

Wonders and Things.

I worry too much. Sometimes to the point where I am overwhelmed.
I worry about the health, happiness and spiritual wellness of my parents.
I worry about the spiritual wellness of my friends, and I especially worry about my friends who aren't believers.
I worry about my church and its spiritual growth.
I worry about my finances, and my future security.
I worry about the stability of Subway and its hopeful constant growth in sales and net profits and such.
I worry about my love life, if and when I'm going to find "her".
I worry about my own health and future. If I should pursue an MBA, if I should go back to school as another major.

So many worries that cloud my thoughts.
But God is so good. Even on a day that's weather perfectly reflects the state of my mind, He speaks. In the gloomiest, wettest, most depressing day, God tells me that it shouldn't be my worry, for He takes my burdens and makes it His.

"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."

"He replied, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."

I want to muster up enough faith to move greater things than mountains. I want enough faith to move the heart of God and to open up the graces of God in the lives of those who are suffering, those who are in trouble, those who are in pain, those who need to be broken, and those who need to know You. God, give me that faith! Show me your wonders!

By faith, four men were able to save and heal their paralytic friend. God, see my faith and save and heal my family and friends!

Joyous

Down at Your feet O Lord is the most high place
In Your presence Lord, I seek Your face
I seek Your face.

There is no higher calling
No greater honor
Than to bow and kneel before Your throne
I'm amazed at Your glory
Embraced by Your mercy
O God, I come to worship You!

Pokemon Silversoul

I have always been a huge Pokemon fan.
I've owned Pokemon Red, Silver, Ruby, Sapphire, Diamond, and Pearl and have beaten them all.
And now, Pokemon has decided to remake the Silver version which IMO was the best one.
Pokemon has declared March 14th as Silversoul's release date in the US.

Although I haven't played Pokemon for 4 years...
I absolutely CANNOT wait!
SO STOKED!

A New Decade

Mindbaffling.
10 years ago, I had graduated Junior High.
10 years ago, I dated Tiffany.
10 years ago, I had entered into High School.
10 years ago, I had thought that life was full of endless possibilities and that I could grow up to be whatever I wanted to be.

How perception changes in a decade.

10 years ago, I thought I'd be forever young. Forever athletic. Forever eating whatever I wanted to eat, doing whatever I wanted to do. Not having a care in the world.

And now 10 years later, I sit here munching on pears and low calorie turkey sandwiches. Avoiding triglycerides and transfats. Trying to eat as much high density lipids while cutting down on my low density lipids. Fatigued by exercise from the previous day. Worrying about the customer count and net sales for today, tomorrow, the month, the year. Worrying about marriage. Worrying about the spiritual lives of my church kids. Worrying about my parents. Worrying about my own health.

10 years seem so long, but looking back... it really doesn't seem that long at all. It seemed like yesterday when I graduated from Junior High.

But then I look back carefully and notice the grace and favor of my Lord. How the Lord has blessed us with Subway. How I wasn't able to apply to any UCs but was forced to go to SJSU only to have my mom get a minor heart attack. Her recovery was swift, our family was drawn closer together and to Him, and I realized that if I wasn't going to SJSU, I would have never been home to take her to the hospital that day. Grace amazing.

How I've struggled so much with my faith but He is constant and faithful. How He never lets me drown in my struggles but always pulls me out.

So despite the worries and concerns that lie ahead, I trust in Him to guide me. I know He is gracious, merciful and faithful. If I obey, and if I can muster up faith the size of a mustard seed, He has promised me that even mountains will move.

This decade, I want even more change. I want to train my body to be healthier, stronger, more fit. I want to train my mind to be unchangeable, focused on Him. I want my heart to be His heart. I want to eat healthier. I want to change my habits, sleeping earlier, waking up earlier. I want to train my voice to be even better. I want to better myself on the guitar, piano, drums, and electric. I want to enjoy God's word more and more. I want to hopefully find the "one", get married, have children. I want to serve, to love, to be knowledgable, to be wise. I want to serve my parents for they have given me so much in two and a half decades.

But most importantly, I want to love Him with all my heart, mind, strength, and soul. And I want to obey His commands, and do His will.

I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.