I have a confession to make. I am the greatest sinner alive. Every action I do is selfish, every thought that saturates my brain is evil, and every ploy I create is for the benefit of myself and the debacle of others. I am always jealous, always plotting, always lustful, always worldful, always selfish, always lying, always cheating, always hating, always bitter, always distrusting.
God had blessed me with a taste of His Holy Presence at the past Pneuma retreat. It was better than anything ever imaginable. It truly satisfied every crevice of my broken and needy life.
But because of my sins I feel God has taken away His awesome presence from me. And it's completely different.. now that I've had a taste of a small portion of God's presence, without it life is not the same.
It is only by God's grace that we are saved, it is only by His mercy that we know Him, it is by HIS will that we are covered by His blood. There is absolutely nothing I can do to credit myself in His salvation, there is nothing I could possibly offer to receive anything from the one and only God. I acknowledge this. But something isn't right.
Whatever it is, there's one thing I know for sure. I am not where I want to be. I want to be with Him. I want to be encompassed by His presence, I want His presence to be overflowing. WHERE ARE YOU GOD???
