I'm so blessed by God. He has given me so much. Loving parents, awesome friends, undeserved love, comforts, safety, and the list goes on and on. So I should be happy and satisfied. Which I am. I know that there are so many people out there who don't have as much as I do. There are so many people out there with hurts and pains that are far bigger than my comprehension.
And as selfish as I might sound, there's one thing that I want so bad that God has been keeping from me. And that's my desire to have the girl. The one. I know with all my heart that she's out there. I know with all my heart that I am meant to be with the one. Yet He keeps her away from me. Possibly to teach me patience. Possibly to mature me to be a better partner. But my patience is limited. My heart longs for that.
I feel like I've given a lot to God, probably not enough in the standard of Him, but in my standards, I have given up a lot. I've been serving youth ministry ever since 7th grade. I've done my fair share of praise leading, bible teaching, missions, revival nights, etc. I've served college ministry at SJSU. I've sacrificed a lot of my time/energy/money/grades to get KCCC running at SJSU. I've faithfully gone to as much meetings as possible. I've driven to LA countless times battling sleepiness and fatigue. I've dealt with uncooperative youth kids and college kids. I've forced myself to talk to strangers and love those who are difficult to love. And now I'm serving two churches and as satisfying as it is knowing that I am doing what He wants me to do, it's also incredibly physically draining.
And in all of this work that I feel is a lot (as unjustified as it may be coming from my perspective and not God's), all I desire is to meet her. To be my support, to be a pillar in my life. Someone who I can share my life with at a different level than my friends or my parents.
It comes off selfish but that's what I really want. Father, please be my provider! I am ready to share my heart.
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