G.o.G.

Having a chance to serve at three ministries.
Having amazingly supportive parents.
Having wonderfully supportive mentors.
Having the freedom to adjust my schedule.
Having good health.
Having talents to use.
Having been forgiven.
Being loved.
Being able to love.
Being able to live, breathe, feel, enjoy.
Being able to cherish moments.
Being able to appreciate the things that are good and bad.
Being given direction even when unaware of it.
Getting away with a moving violation once in a while.

Grace of God.

Sorry for being a disobedient and sinful man. You know me better than anyone else and You know that I love You with all I am able to, and that I am absolutely nothing without you. Thank You for Your undeserved favor and grace that covers me every moment of my life that you have deemed worthy through the ultimate display of love that this universe can possibly fathom. As I strive to be a son that pleases You, please be my eyes that I may solely focus on You , be my strength that propels me towards You.

Late Night Meh-ness

I'm so blessed by God. He has given me so much. Loving parents, awesome friends, undeserved love, comforts, safety, and the list goes on and on. So I should be happy and satisfied. Which I am. I know that there are so many people out there who don't have as much as I do. There are so many people out there with hurts and pains that are far bigger than my comprehension.

And as selfish as I might sound, there's one thing that I want so bad that God has been keeping from me. And that's my desire to have the girl. The one. I know with all my heart that she's out there. I know with all my heart that I am meant to be with the one. Yet He keeps her away from me. Possibly to teach me patience. Possibly to mature me to be a better partner. But my patience is limited. My heart longs for that.

I feel like I've given a lot to God, probably not enough in the standard of Him, but in my standards, I have given up a lot. I've been serving youth ministry ever since 7th grade. I've done my fair share of praise leading, bible teaching, missions, revival nights, etc. I've served college ministry at SJSU. I've sacrificed a lot of my time/energy/money/grades to get KCCC running at SJSU. I've faithfully gone to as much meetings as possible. I've driven to LA countless times battling sleepiness and fatigue. I've dealt with uncooperative youth kids and college kids. I've forced myself to talk to strangers and love those who are difficult to love. And now I'm serving two churches and as satisfying as it is knowing that I am doing what He wants me to do, it's also incredibly physically draining.

And in all of this work that I feel is a lot (as unjustified as it may be coming from my perspective and not God's), all I desire is to meet her. To be my support, to be a pillar in my life. Someone who I can share my life with at a different level than my friends or my parents.

It comes off selfish but that's what I really want. Father, please be my provider! I am ready to share my heart.

TMD: The Small Things Pt. 1

I don't know if you've noticed... but it's interesting how similar we are.

TMD: What is Love?

Let's define "love." No, not the warm fuzzy feeling you get inside when you hold hands with a significant other.

During Bible study, something really bothered me about the response I got from the group about "love." When people have personalities that clash, or when people hurt you, should you keep your distance? Also, can you love someone but not like them?

Let's look at Jesus. After all, he is the ultimate example of love. And he showed that by dying on the cross. Not just for his disciples, not just for his followers, not just for Israel, but the entire population of the world, past present and future. And he did it willingly. He wanted to do his Father's will, which was to make a path towards salvation. It's not like he died unwillingly. He also died with compassion, for he prays that those who do not know what they're doing will be forgiven. He was very committed to this event. He had to be, since it required his life.

From that example alone, you can tell that love is not just a feeling. It's a commitment to someone with compassion and forgiveness. And I doubt that defines the entirety of love. I bet that sentences encompasses about 20% of the full extent of love. Now, when people say that they should distance themselves from people because they were hurt or their personalities clashed, isn't that already negating the commitment and compassion part? Even the forgiveness part of that aspect. I'm sure Jesus, being God, knew that millions of people would reject his sacrifice, not even acknowledge his existence. Nonetheless, he still died for them with love. He could have easily excluded them from the gift of grace, but he didn't.

And here's the thing about love. If you love something even if you don't like it now, you are bound to. When you're committed to something with compassion and forgiveness, you are absolutely bound to like it. How can you hate something you are so committed to?

TMD: Parental Love

I woke up at 10:30 today. I was 3 hours late for work. I had forgotten to set my alarm clock.

Here's what happened. I was sleeping soundly, and then I woke up naturally. It felt good because I hadn't done that in a very long time. I laid in bed, half asleep, waiting for the alarm to go off. It never did. But the light shining from out my window was illuminating the blinds very brightly, and I decided to open my eyes just to check the clock on my wall. It was 10:30. Crap! I quickly grabbed my phone to recheck and surely enough, it was 10:30. I jumped out of bed, quickly washed my face and brushed my teeth, threw on my clothes, packed the things I needed for work and rushed out into my kitchen towards my garage. On the way, I spotted my mom in the family room, reading the newspaper. I glanced at her, and then turned away quickly in shame, know that any second she would start yelling at me for being late/lazy/irresponsible. She didn't. I opened the garage door and rushed out to my car. As I entered my car, I noticed that my mom was standing by the doorway, waving goodbye. I studied her facial expression for any hints of anger or disappointment, but found none. Rather, it was just a face that acknowledged my tardiness but was okay with it. Almost like she understood that I had felt bad, that I had been tired, and excused me from my mistake.

As I was 2Fast2Furiously driving to work, I thought about that. And all I could do was thank God for letting me have such awesome parents. And then it lead me to think about my heavenly Father. How much more loving, how much more understanding He is. I wrong Him possibly one thousand times more frequently than I wrong my earthly parents, but He is infinitely more loving than my earthly parents. So it doesn't only even out, His love completely blows over every thing I do, good and bad. It's pretty fricken awesome being a part of His family, and being His son.

"The reason I praise You is simple. I just can't help myself but to do so."

Monday Morning Cuteness

What is "cute"? When I look at a baby, or a puppy, my immediate reaction is "awwww." Why? Cuteness is defined as a type of attraction. So that makes me attracted to kittens, puppies, and babies? I suppose that's how God intended us to be. He gave us that attraction to these "helpless" things to motivate us to take care of them. Or else we'd get tired of their pooping and crying and uselessness... I guess?

Let's look at this photo:
It's so ridiculously cute! There are several aspects in this photo which I concluded make this interaction (닭살) goosebumpishly cute.
1. The size difference between the dog and the kitten. The dog is so much bigger than the tiny little kitten. That automatically boosts the kitten's cuteness level.
2. The kitten's pose in the first picture. It looks frightened or surprised. It's cute because of the sequence of the kitten's and the dog's reaction as the "story" unfolds. The kitten was initially frightened by the approach of the giant dog, but the dog licks the kitten with friendliness. Which leads to...
3. The kitten's face in the second picture. Its left eye being smaller than the right. The o__- face of the kitten, not knowing how to react.
4. The dog's gentle lick. It's not a huge sloppy lick. The dog knows that the kitten is fragile, and out of compassion it is licking it very gently.

Then I began to wonder if God saw us as cute? As helpless little babies? I wonder if He looks down upon us as we live our lives helplessly and sometimes goes "awww." I wonder if He sees our compassion towards each other and forgiveness towards each other and goes "awww." I wonder if He watches us have fellowship with each other and feels that tingle in His heart. Just like how we would watch a couple of kittens jostle with each other and go "awww," I wonder if He has that same kind of reaction. I guess it'd be pretty cool if He does. It gives me joy to know that I'm still cute to SOMEONE, even when I thought I had lost my cuteness about 24 years ago.

TMD: The View From The Top

There's something breathtaking about a view from the top of a mountain.
It's so interesting how something so large like a building or a freeway could look so tiny from afar. And to be able to shrink a city that stretches for miles and miles into one large populated blob in your peripheral vision is a bit strange. To live in a world so large and yet so small at the same time.

Perception changes the concept of reality. When reality can be altered so easily, truth becomes an opinion. The only truths that hold are the foundational truths. The basics of which God had created. Blue is blue. Sea is sea. Human is human. That truth cannot be changed. Or can it? Blue is blue until it's mixed with red, then it becomes purple. Sea is sea until it meets the boundaries of an ocean. So then, does the truth change, or does the object in which holds the value of that truth change? Or would that even be a valid argument, considering that when the object holding that value of truth changes, then the truth itself was not true to begin with. Then we'd have to assume that the concept of truth is not permanent. And if truth were to change, then "truth" would not be truth.

Knowing that the world is ever changing, that truth is fragile due to the inevitability of change, I rejoice. I rejoice knowing that the the only truth that truly matters is an unchanging deity that loves me and has given me eternal hope in His unchanging character.