God's Presence

I have a confession to make. I am the greatest sinner alive. Every action I do is selfish, every thought that saturates my brain is evil, and every ploy I create is for the benefit of myself and the debacle of others. I am always jealous, always plotting, always lustful, always worldful, always selfish, always lying, always cheating, always hating, always bitter, always distrusting.

God had blessed me with a taste of His Holy Presence at the past Pneuma retreat. It was better than anything ever imaginable. It truly satisfied every crevice of my broken and needy life.

But because of my sins I feel God has taken away His awesome presence from me. And it's completely different.. now that I've had a taste of a small portion of God's presence, without it life is not the same.

It is only by God's grace that we are saved, it is only by His mercy that we know Him, it is by HIS will that we are covered by His blood. There is absolutely nothing I can do to credit myself in His salvation, there is nothing I could possibly offer to receive anything from the one and only God. I acknowledge this. But something isn't right.

Whatever it is, there's one thing I know for sure. I am not where I want to be. I want to be with Him. I want to be encompassed by His presence, I want His presence to be overflowing. WHERE ARE YOU GOD???

My Life

Is so busy. Especially the past couple of weeks. I go to work, then I go to church, and then I come home around 10-11pm. I haven't had time to work out, pay my bills, let alone rest.

I just want one day I can sit at home, clean my room, pay my bills, work out, and chill out.

I am getting too fat.

I am too undisciplined.

I fail.

My life.

TMD: Entaro Tassadar

God has been so good to me. He's been changing me slowly but surely. But there is one thing that I still struggle with, which would be my obsession to Starcraft 2. Starcraft 2 is the best. Adding blink makes the game so much more fun. Stargates are actually cool to look at. Zealots are now 100 times cooler. Their rush ability makes them look like little ninjas! Colossus and Immortals? Ownage. Warp Gates? Transporters that turn into pylons? That's got to be the best combination ever.

But there's a problem with this. I don't play enough. I have no time. And to make things worse, every one of my friends play at least 3 times more than I do. Which makes me the crappiest Starcraft 2 player alive. I hate being bad at something. It's the worst feeling in the world when you see your base being completely obliterated and there's absolutely nothing you can do about it because 1. you expanded too late, 2. you have hella monies but not enough vespene gas and zealots are the only thing you can make except they have mutas and so you're pretty gg, 3. your entire defensive system is away from your mining area, and so the enemy was able to fly through the backdoor and own you like pudding in a cup.

So sometimes I tell myself that I need to devote myself to Starcraft for a week and raise my level up. But then this thought dawned on me: maybe God made me suck at this game so that I won't get too obsessed with it, letting it take over my life. If I was really good at Starcraft, I would probably stay up till 5 owning the pants off people. But I suck, so I lose 2 games and then I quit. God is good.

So here's my little lesson for those Christians that are reading this: stop playing so much. Read the Bible more. Pray more. Actually, just stop playing. That way I can keep practicing and when we do pray, I'll be able to own you. :)

TMD: With You

God is good. He knew it wasn't good for man to be alone. He knew man needed something... someone to be together with.

He knows t isn't good for me to be alone. He knows I need someone...

Where the ddong are you????

TMD: The White Crane

The majestic white crane only flies on rare occasions. Researching and attempting to capture this wonderful bird was inevitably an arduous and nearly impossible task. Here's how the journey unfolded.

It was in a deep forest setting that I first set my eyes upon this magnificent creature. She had come out of nowhere, having been hidden by the large towering trees. It was a beautiful sight. This particular forest housed a specific group of trees that attracted a large group of fireflies. Millions of them. They were nesting in the trees, glowing and lighting the night. It was a breathtaking sight. And as I was admiring this natural phenomenon, I noticed her. The crane. She stood there, amongst the thickets, stretching her glorious wings. I crept closer and closer. Then an amazing thing happened. Known for avoiding human contact, I was expecting the crane to take off. But when it noticed me, it allowed me to join it in its strange nocturnal ritual. So I was able to share a very intimate time with the crane.

Having thought that I had established myself into the bird's trust, I came back the next few days in order to capture it to tag it. Tagging is very important, it allows us researchers to track the migratory patterns of the bird, as well as its daily territorial movements such as hunting tactics and nesting strategies. Unfortunately for me, I had forgotten how difficult it is to gain the trust of a white crane. I miscalculated its space of comfort and when I got to close, it flew away. I tried several times, but in all occasions I inevitably failed. So I had to go with a different strategy. I call it the method of easeness. The idea is to ease my way into the trust of the crane. To sit within sight of the crane, but never appear to be a threat, allowing the crane to get used to my presence until I become a part of it's habitat. This took a great deal of patience and effort. And it was also a risky decision because of the upcoming winter. That was also something I had miscalculated. But through this strategy, I was able to study the white crane in depth. And it's undoubtedly a magnificent creation.

The white crane is an interesting creature. It's a very free spirit, flying around its huge territory, ruling over all of its domain. It has no real predator and sits on the top of the food chain. It feeds on fish and occasionally wheat, as well as frogs, mice, and smaller creatures. Being the top of the food chain, it maintains the balance of the ecosystem within its territory. The crane also has a unique personality. It's very wise in what it does. I can only assume that it is a very experienced and tested crane. And don't let its appearance fool you, even though it appears very calm and friendly, it is a very powerful and territorial bird. When it feels threatened, it will show its authority.

And thus, my research was going well. I was easing my way into the birds trust slowly but surely. Then my miscalculation ruined everything. Winter hit like sudden earthquake. I wouldn't have noticed, but the crane and it's natural ability to hint the change in weather alerted it. And one day, the crane took off into the sky in a different fashion. It took off more powerfully than before, with the determination not to fly back again, until the next spring.

And so I must put my journey on hold, the journey to capture the white crane.

TMD: Bicycling

I looooove bicycling. I used to own this silver Diamondback bike and I named her Silver Bullet. I used to ride her everywhere throughout Cupertino. She was my ticket to freedom. I would explore down McClellan Rd. into the thickets of Blackberry Farm. I would go down Hollenback into the Beauchamps neighborhoods then ride into Seven Springs and down Bubb, past Kennedy, between Monta Vista and Lincoln and back home. I would ride down Stevens Creek all the way to Cupertino High School just for fun.

Sometimes, I would pretend that I was a Jedi and Silver Bullet was my X-Wing, or A-Wing. I've always had the A-Wing in a special place in my heart because it looked the coolest, it had the most maneuverability out of all the starships, and no one else cared about it. There were two bolts between the handle bars and I would pretend they were buttons that would engage the proton torpedoes from my A-Wing named Silver Bullet. I thank my imagination due to my childhood without any siblings, forcing me to be creative to keep myself from being bored.

But there was one benefiting byproduct from bicycling that I hadn't realize until now. Biking really enabled me to be quick on my feet. It worked out my quads like no other exercise. I was able to run faster and jump higher than the average Junior High/High School person. That's why I was so excited to have borrowed my friend's bike recently that I took it out at 10:30 at night to ride around. And by doing so, it brought back all the joys of childhood. But there several key differences that changed the way I rode.

First, I was really rusty. I still could ride the bike, but not like before. Before, I was a pro-biker. I could do jumps, I could drift, I could ride with no hands, I could ride with one hand, I could weave in and out of places, I could ride and squeeze through the tightest spots with ease. The bike was essentially a part of me. Now, I cant. I'm afraid of losing my balance, falling, and hurting myself. I tried to ride with only one hand and it scared the crap out of me. I could easily blame low visibility due to the time of day, but I wont. I'll admit I was super rusty.

Second, the bike wasn't in ideal conditions. The brakes needed adjusting. I was going full speed and I was about to make a sharp turn. As I hit the brakes, it bike didn't respond. So I almost crashed into a bush/tree. But that's okay.

Third, I felt like Carl Johnson from GTA San Andreas. Instead of my sexy A-Wing and photon cannons, it was a black man running from the cops. Oh dear...

Nonetheless, the joy of riding hasn't disappeared. I absolutely cannot wait to ride again today. Woohoo!

G.o.G.

Having a chance to serve at three ministries.
Having amazingly supportive parents.
Having wonderfully supportive mentors.
Having the freedom to adjust my schedule.
Having good health.
Having talents to use.
Having been forgiven.
Being loved.
Being able to love.
Being able to live, breathe, feel, enjoy.
Being able to cherish moments.
Being able to appreciate the things that are good and bad.
Being given direction even when unaware of it.
Getting away with a moving violation once in a while.

Grace of God.

Sorry for being a disobedient and sinful man. You know me better than anyone else and You know that I love You with all I am able to, and that I am absolutely nothing without you. Thank You for Your undeserved favor and grace that covers me every moment of my life that you have deemed worthy through the ultimate display of love that this universe can possibly fathom. As I strive to be a son that pleases You, please be my eyes that I may solely focus on You , be my strength that propels me towards You.